Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
