One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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