I think I just saw someone hide a body.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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