could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I believe in your delicious
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
