We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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