How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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