My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
