Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
