I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
