just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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