a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize