During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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