I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if only i could text you this smell
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Success! We fucked roommates!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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