i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
