a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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