I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
