Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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