Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
