what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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