Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
