You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
