Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
