Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The adults are the big ones right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
