just tell him i said nine months
You can't motorboat a personality
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
