my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
