I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
