I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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