i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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