it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
