Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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