I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
