I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
