I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
