So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
