I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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