it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Barsexuality is the new black.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
