OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
