Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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