Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you never un-have a 4some
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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