This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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