got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just crazy horny about you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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