you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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