RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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