I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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