and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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