I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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