ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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