I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
