Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
