I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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