If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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