some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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