I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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