I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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