you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
