im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
