Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
