I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
