the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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