He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
