guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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