were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
