it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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