You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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