i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
