we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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