Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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