The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
