I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
